Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Start the Hate Young

I thought my wife was kidding me when she told me about a children's book that taught kids about the evils of those Liberals hiding under the bed. I really should stop being surprised at the lengths the Republican Right will go to demonize anyone they disagree with:
This full-color illustrated book is a fun way for parents to teach young children the valuable lessons of conservatism. Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland.

That's right kids, Senators Clinton and Kennedy are evil and hiding under your bed! Talk about literally trying to turn these two in to bogymen. I just don't know how people take the Republican Right seriously. Tommy and Lou are forced by Liberals to pay 50% of their money to the government, and their private establishment is forced to take down pictures and change their menu? Talk about simplification to the point of absurdity. I wonder who really thinks they pay 50% tax and is forced to do business in a way that is detrimental to the public or the rights of the business owner.

What's most troubling is this is a book of propaganda that is aimed at children. The Republican Right can't stand on it's own moral values (of which Red states surpass tax dollars used, divorce rates, abortion rates, and crime rates) so instead they have to promote hate. They have no positive agenda, just fear of the Liberal bogyman. Pathetic.

So maybe we should tell the rest of the story, following the guidelines of the current Republican administration and leadership in Congress. We'll call this book: Help! Mom! There's a Criminal Investigation Under My Bed!" In this book, a sequel, Lou and Tommy find themselves indicted on charges of extortion, bribery, and violation of several health codes.
It would seem that their father, a well connected lawyer on Liberaland's planning commission, pulled strings to change the zoning to favorably affect Lou and Tommy's lemonade stand. Little Suzy down the block told her parents that she was offered a cut of the profits if she would relay a story about how the product sold by the twins competition made her sick. A police report was then uncovered, filed by the twins' neighbor, who caught the two watering down their lemonade using the hose in his backyard.

The scandal real blew open when Pablo, a foreign exchange student, relayed to his teacher that he was paid six-cents an hour to staff the twins lemonade stand, not given any bathroom breaks for hours, which caused him to have to urinate in the unused glasses. Curiously, on these days several local children were found to have gotten sick after drinking the twins' product.

Of course the twins denied any wrong doing, blaming their problems on a few 'bad apples' who they allowed to run their stand. The father countered that there was no proof the boys had done anything wrong, and that this was another example of the Liberal agenda bias against twins with lemonade stands. He further added that anyone who was against such lemonade stands was certainly not patriotic.

But when investigative reports uncovered that business associates of the twin's father profited from the zoning changes he'd pushed through Liberaland's planning commission, one of whom was a swingset manufacturer, and the bill of sale for the "super delux whiz bang swingset" was made public showing it was sold to the twins for $1.98, a criminal investigation was begun into the twins' family business.

I could go on, but why bother. I'm just one of those damn Liberals hiding under kids' beds waiting to corrupt them and steal all their hard earned cash to give to those atheist welfare queens. This would be humorous if these people weren't serious.